


Reforged in Cold and Warmth

by melimarron



Series: At the End of the World, Who Will Bring Your Grave Flowers? [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Canon Compliant, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Character Study, F/M, The Avengers (2012) Spoilers, and so we end, like i said i would, muahahahahaha, with natasha's death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:21:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23536732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melimarron/pseuds/melimarron
Summary: Natasha Romanoff has fought for the right to die before.But, here, on Vormir, with Clint, has the highest stakes yet.She will not be the one who walks down this mountain alone.
Relationships: Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton/Laura Barton, Laura Barton & Natasha Romanov
Series: At the End of the World, Who Will Bring Your Grave Flowers? [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1656145
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	Reforged in Cold and Warmth

The thing is, Natalia Alianovna Romanova was a monster.

She always was, and always had been.

That’s what _they_ had told her, anyway.

And for the longest time, as her hands grew more and more bloody, she believed it.

* * *

When she fought Agent Clint Barton, Natalia was surprised. She had been disillusioned enough that when she caught sight of him, her first thought had been _I wonder if he’s good enough that I could feasibly die at his hands._

She wasn’t sure how old she was, but she had been fighting for Russia for years now, and had risen in the ranks so high that she could see what it was she had been fighting for, and it made her sick.

So, crouched on a rooftop, squinting through binoculars at her enemy, Natalia decided that this was the man that would cause her death, and therefore her freedom. 

* * *

Natalia had never thought she would ever fight for the right to die.

In the Red Room, she had been taught to never _fight to die_ , that she should always and would always be fighting to _win_ , to _kill_ , to _live_.

But death- death seemed like the only way out.

_How many has it been? How many? How many?_

Who _has it been?_

That was bad, wasn’t it? That she couldn’t put a name or face to everyone she’s killed?

Natalia Romanova fought Clint Barton for the right to die, and when the time came, he refused to give it to her. 

* * *

Natasha Romanoff is reborn when Clint Barton puts down his weapon, revokes her right to die, and offers her a new job.

Natasha Romanoff is reborn when Agent Fury squints at her with his one eye, growls _goddamn it, Barton_ under his breath, and accepts her application form to SHIELD.

Natasha Romanoff is reborn when she takes her first few breaths without Russia gripping her shoulders like it has as long as she can remember.

She trains, once she’s changed sides. Not to keep up her skills, oh, no. Natasha Romanoff still has all the skills and reflexes of Natalia Romanova, and Natalia was trained to kill, even when training.

She works, and she trains, and eventually, Natasha stops reaching for improvised weapons to bludgeon her opponent’s head in when they’re in the training room. She stops using her nails and teeth when she loses her knives and guns. She stops kicking at the groin and pulling hair, stops doing everything she can imagine to get out of a fight.

Then she starts to rebuild what she had broken down. Starts using improvised weapons again, starts making “illegal” attacks again, starts winning against all odds again. This time, though, she is more cautious, more careful.

She tries not to go into every fight aiming to kill her opponent.

Still, she is one of the agents in all of SHIELD that is most prepared to kill anyone that she’s fighting hand-to-hand.

She isn’t sure if that’s a good thing or not. 

* * *

The thing was, after that first encounter with Clint, once she’d joined SHIELD and the Avengers, Natasha Romanoff fought to live.

She took her training and made it her own, twisted it until it fractured and broke and became a thing of protection rather than an omen of death.

(Technically she was still an omen of death, but for evil aliens instead of humans. Natasha could get behind murdering evil aliens. There were no technical quibbles over who was the “right person” to kill.)

 _I’ve got red in my ledger_ became her catchphrase, at least between her and Clint. Clint sometimes tried to argue that she’d made up for it with SHIELD and the Avengers, especially after the Battle of New York and later Ultron, but Natasha would usually just scoff in answer.

No amount of lives saved could ever make up for those she had taken.

And then the world turns to dust around her and five years later, Natasha finds hope, finds a way to fix things, finds _Clint_ -

And their roles are reversed.

The murderer reaches towards the savior.

The savior reaches towards the murderer.

It’s hard to tell which is which.

God, _Clint_.

After everything he’s been through, after jail, after losing his family, after losing his right to control his own damn body, it’s painful to see him like this.

Natasha reaches out her hand.

(Murderer or savior?

She doesn’t know anymore.) 

* * *

They realize the secret of the Soul Stone in the same moment, like mocking proof that they are and were best friends, closer to each other than anyone else, even Laura, who, for all her love, will never understand the feeling of leaping off of a skyscraper and being absolutely certain of who will catch you.

(Neither of them would want her to understand that feeling, but it’s something that separates them nevertheless.)

This is different. Because right now, they’re fighting for the chance to leap off a skyscraper and for their opponent to be too injured or too winded to catch them, like they always have.

(For the record, Natasha will forever maintain that Clint was an idiot for leaping off of tall buildings all the time. _One of these days I won’t be around to catch you,_ she’d always yelled afterwards.

He’d always replied, _yeah, but Nat, let’s be honest. Which of us is likely to die first?_

Then he’d gesture at himself dramatically, nod like he’d made a completely valid and irrefutable point, and run away before she could yell that _that’s not how this works._ )

This fight goes against everything that Natasha has ever fought for, with one exception. She’s had a lot of names over the years, but her most treasured one is _Aunt Nat._

_So goddamn you, Clint, for making me fight you so your children don’t have to come back to a world without their father._

He had to know that only one of them was going to walk off this goddamn mountain alive, and it sure as _hell_ was not going to be the woman with so many kills to her name that she couldn’t remember all of them.

Laura had once tried to make Clint promise that he would either always come safe, or die in a way that meant he was saving people. Clint hadn’t been able to promise that he would come home, citing the dangers of the job, but that if he died, it would absolutely be because he was trying to do something good. Later that day, Natasha had gotten Laura alone and promised, in hushed tones so that Clint and the kids wouldn’t hear, that as long as Natasha was alive, Clint would always come home.

And so for the first time in a long time, Natasha Romanoff fought to die.


End file.
